I just found this documentary about single motherhood by choice: Plan B Documentary Kinda surprised that I haven't heard about it, since I feel like I'm constantly reading about single moms and how to do it myself, etc.
The trailer looks interesting - anyone seen the documentary?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Telling Family and Friends
How to go about telling family (and friends) that you're thinking about having a child on your own... I haven't quite figured this one out yet.
I had dinner with my parents tonight - first time seeing them in a few months (they live far away). I kinda wanted to talk with them about how I've been thinking more seriously about becoming a single mom, but I couldn't figure out how to work it into conversation. I mentioned that I had seen some babies recently at my job, and was thinking more about wanting a child. But the conversation kinda fizzled out, and no mention of doing it on my own. I've very abstractly mentioned SMC before about a year ago, but my parents' general response was I'm still young enough to keep trying to find a guy. They didn't meet or have me until their mid-thirties - but I'd like to have a child sooner!
Not sure if I want to try to bring it up again while they're in town or if I should just wait until I'm more decided. Often I tend to mull over things just myself, and then once I've made my personal decision, I let other people know. But it would be nice to have someone to talk this over with and mull things through with. Any thoughts on how to tell the parents that I want them to be grandparents?
I had dinner with my parents tonight - first time seeing them in a few months (they live far away). I kinda wanted to talk with them about how I've been thinking more seriously about becoming a single mom, but I couldn't figure out how to work it into conversation. I mentioned that I had seen some babies recently at my job, and was thinking more about wanting a child. But the conversation kinda fizzled out, and no mention of doing it on my own. I've very abstractly mentioned SMC before about a year ago, but my parents' general response was I'm still young enough to keep trying to find a guy. They didn't meet or have me until their mid-thirties - but I'd like to have a child sooner!
Not sure if I want to try to bring it up again while they're in town or if I should just wait until I'm more decided. Often I tend to mull over things just myself, and then once I've made my personal decision, I let other people know. But it would be nice to have someone to talk this over with and mull things through with. Any thoughts on how to tell the parents that I want them to be grandparents?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friends: Help or Hinder?
I was hanging out with some of my friends and their kids the other day, and I was mentioning that the single choice mom idea is starting to grow on me more and more. Both of my friends were very against this idea - even though they are very pro-baby for me, since they know how much I love kids. I was kinda taken aback at first at how much they were trying to talk me out of it, but then a few days later, after reading a post on Mikki's Choice Mom blog, I realized why.
The post mentions that another SMC's experience has been that the people who respond negatively to the idea of choosing to do it on your own are usually people who don't enjoy parenting or didn't want to be parents. This fits with my two friends - while they both certainly love their kids, neither one of them really enjoys parenting or their family life.
So I have to remember when I'm talking with other people about the possibility of becoming a mom on my own, that their reactions are a reflection of their own attitudes and experiences - not a reflection of how it will be for me. While I know that it certainly won't be easy, the fact that I am actively choosing to have a baby myself means that I'm starting out ahead.
The post mentions that another SMC's experience has been that the people who respond negatively to the idea of choosing to do it on your own are usually people who don't enjoy parenting or didn't want to be parents. This fits with my two friends - while they both certainly love their kids, neither one of them really enjoys parenting or their family life.
So I have to remember when I'm talking with other people about the possibility of becoming a mom on my own, that their reactions are a reflection of their own attitudes and experiences - not a reflection of how it will be for me. While I know that it certainly won't be easy, the fact that I am actively choosing to have a baby myself means that I'm starting out ahead.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Mourning the Dream
I think the hardest part for me (at least right now) about choosing SMC is feeling like I'm giving up on finding a guy, a soulmate. Yes, I know it's still possible to find a partner after you're a single mom, but it does make it harder.
I'm not in a relationship right now, and there aren't really any good prospects. Most of my recent relationships have ended because I wanted kids and the guy didn't or at least he wasn't sure if/when he wanted them.
In a perfect ideal world, I'd find the perfect man and we'd live the perfect life together and have the perfect child together. But this world isn't perfect... I see so many couples (with and without kids) who fight and have issues, and I know that's not what I want. I'm not willing to sacrifice a relationship in order to have kids - I'd rather be a single mother by choice than be in a bad or just ok relationship with kids.
But it's still hard to move forward along the single choice mom path without wondering, well what if I just wait a little while longer? Maybe the perfect guy is just around the corner, maybe that friend will change his mind and want to date me, maybe that ex will decide that he does want kids now. Maybe I should wait - isn't Prince Charming supposed to come along and turn my life into a fairy tale?
But I can't count on that - I can't make Prince Charming appear. And life is not a fairy tale. So I walk along and research and plan and continue toward becoming a mom, because I know that I want that to happen, with or without Prince Charming. ... and yet I cry, and I mourn the loss of the dream ...
I'm not in a relationship right now, and there aren't really any good prospects. Most of my recent relationships have ended because I wanted kids and the guy didn't or at least he wasn't sure if/when he wanted them.
In a perfect ideal world, I'd find the perfect man and we'd live the perfect life together and have the perfect child together. But this world isn't perfect... I see so many couples (with and without kids) who fight and have issues, and I know that's not what I want. I'm not willing to sacrifice a relationship in order to have kids - I'd rather be a single mother by choice than be in a bad or just ok relationship with kids.
But it's still hard to move forward along the single choice mom path without wondering, well what if I just wait a little while longer? Maybe the perfect guy is just around the corner, maybe that friend will change his mind and want to date me, maybe that ex will decide that he does want kids now. Maybe I should wait - isn't Prince Charming supposed to come along and turn my life into a fairy tale?
But I can't count on that - I can't make Prince Charming appear. And life is not a fairy tale. So I walk along and research and plan and continue toward becoming a mom, because I know that I want that to happen, with or without Prince Charming. ... and yet I cry, and I mourn the loss of the dream ...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)